Clayton Echard Bachelor Hometowns Recap

Going into someone else’s home to meet their parents is a simultaneously exhausting and terrifying process. It’s a unique mélange of wanting to appear nice and wholesome, twinged with wanting to appear cool and fun, and sprinkled with a crippling fear of potentially clogging their downstairs toilet. Rumor has it the 14th century Lord whoContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Hometowns Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 7 Recap

So, I didn’t watch last week’s episode, and I didn’t read any recaps – everyone knows that Bachelor blogging is a zero-sum game and I can’t be out here supporting other pathetic part-time bloggers if I’m hoping to drive ad-sales revenue that amounts to a 1 1-millionth of what some 7-year old doing the griddyContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 7 Recap”

Clayton Echard Week 5 Bachelor Recap

Here we are again people, back with Clayton the limp shrimp pimp on another haphazard journey of imperceptive discovery; or should I say an “international tour to find love” in Houston, Texas… Serene got the first date rose and clearly doesn’t understand how the entire show operates. She said, “no one has ever shut downContinue reading “Clayton Echard Week 5 Bachelor Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 4 Recap

Whenever a Bachelor contestant says, “I have a really good feeling I’ll be down on one knee at the end of this,” it might as well be a dog whistle to Bachelor nation; a Ron Burgundy conch blast; a sighting of lit beacons across the mountains from Minas Tirith to prepare yourself for an impendingContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 4 Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Episode 3 Recap

For those of you out there with elephantine memories who can remember what happened nearly THREE WEEKS ago when we were treated to our last instalment of The Bachelor (yes apologies for the late blog), the episode started as you might have expected. My previous-episode amnesia was at Jason Bourne levels on Monday night, butContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Episode 3 Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 2 Recap

Hillary Duff gets cheap party planning Susie snags the 1-on-1 date Never have Elizabeth and Shanae EVER gotten along David vs. Goliath has always been one of my favorite Bible stories. For the non-denominational amongst you, the story chronicles a young boy with a slingshot and a stone, who knocks out an absolute man-mountain overcomingContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 2 Recap”

The Bachelor Episode 1 Recap – Clayton Echard

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Bachelorette. There’s just something about the Bachelor that kicks all of my tea-consuming, drama-adoring, histrionic-hounding, and yes, blog-writing senses into Mach-10 overdrive. This partiality is quite staggering given the two soporific snooze-fests we were subjected to with Colton and Peter’s seasons, and then the hand-warming Houdini himself, MattContinue reading “The Bachelor Episode 1 Recap – Clayton Echard”

Michelle Young Bachelorette Week 1 Recap

It’s here. We’re back in business people with another season of the Bachelorette. I surely cannot be alone in thanking the fucking lord that we don’t have to watch this season’s empty vessels crit their way around some non-descript, middle-of-nowhere resort with an uppity marketing manager who finally used their Bachelor addiction for use andContinue reading “Michelle Young Bachelorette Week 1 Recap”

The Bachelor Week 2 Recap – Matt James

The first episode of Matt’s season seems like it was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Between an alarming armed insurrection against our nation’s legislative branch, a new 30-track Morgan Wallen behemoth dropping last Friday, and trying to figure out how to transfer cable and internet services to a new NYCContinue reading “The Bachelor Week 2 Recap – Matt James”

Bachelor Finale Part 2

Discussing The Bachelor with a peripheral or non-fan (I know, they exist?) is the Excalibur of double edged swords. On the one hand, I find myself getting frustrated that these nescients aren’t versed in elementary Bachelor history and haven’t been bullying Reddit-derived fan conspiracies into their skulls all season. On the other, these people canContinue reading “Bachelor Finale Part 2”