Michelle Young Bachelorette Week 1 Recap

It’s here. We’re back in business people with another season of the Bachelorette. I surely cannot be alone in thanking the fucking lord that we don’t have to watch this season’s empty vessels crit their way around some non-descript, middle-of-nowhere resort with an uppity marketing manager who finally used their Bachelor addiction for use andContinue reading “Michelle Young Bachelorette Week 1 Recap”

The Bachelorette – Michelle Young Season 18 Preview

Well, well, well… it’s that time of year again. The leaves are changing, the turtlenecks are starting to peer ever more expectantly out of the back of the closet, and the squalid stench of Bachelor in Paradise that has been wafting so ignominiously over our airwaves for the past several months has been shunted asideContinue reading “The Bachelorette – Michelle Young Season 18 Preview”

Bachelor Finale Part 2

Discussing The Bachelor with a peripheral or non-fan (I know, they exist?) is the Excalibur of double edged swords. On the one hand, I find myself getting frustrated that these nescients aren’t versed in elementary Bachelor history and haven’t been bullying Reddit-derived fan conspiracies into their skulls all season. On the other, these people canContinue reading “Bachelor Finale Part 2”

Bachelor Finale – Part 1

The niceties and nuances of the market economy are phenomena that I understand to about a 3rd grade level; and that’s generous. Seeing as the only invisible hand that the vast majority of middle schooler’s know is the one that cleans their dishes while they watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody after dinner;Continue reading “Bachelor Finale – Part 1”

Women Tell All Recap

The Bachelor bears a number of startling similarities to the Coronavirus (bet you weren’t expecting that one!) They both got fairly slow starts this winter, but by the time they’re all said and done, expect 80% of the US population to be affected by their residual consequences; both the Coronavirus response and The Bachelor areContinue reading “Women Tell All Recap”

Week 8 Fantasy Suites Recap

When William Shakespeare wrote that “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,” he was probably not anticipating that this stage would include the Camarillo Air Strip in Southern California, and the most prominent players would be promiscuous Pete and his band of tenderfoot matrimonial minions. What would he sayContinue reading “Week 8 Fantasy Suites Recap”

Bachelor Week 7 Recap Hometowns

I don’t know what I want out of this season, I really don’t. It’s been quite the roller coaster ride and not the kind that ends with an awfully convenient and contrived Chase Rice concert in suburban Cleveland! Part of me is hoping for a little Deus ex Machina action where Hannah B comes stormingContinue reading “Bachelor Week 7 Recap Hometowns”

Bachelor Week 6 Recap

It’s been a good couple of days of television. On Saturday, the XFL, another doomed to fail spin-off of the NFL, aired its first games; on Sunday night, the American public was treated to the most endearing and potentially dangerous Oscars side-show in history: “How fucked up can Bong Joon-ho get at this after party;”Continue reading “Bachelor Week 6 Recap”

Bachelor Week 5 Recap (2)

I haven’t been having the best of weeks… Monday’s episode of The Bachelor made me lose a measure of faith in what was a truly hideous portrayal of humanity; Tuesday’s State of the Union only compounded this feeling of malaise; and late Tuesday night it was confirmed that Mookie Betts was traded from my belovedContinue reading “Bachelor Week 5 Recap (2)”

Bachelor Week 5 Recap (Part 1)

The Bachelor really caught the short end of the stick last night coming up against perhaps the most electric prime time television competition of the year… Not the season premiere of Below Deck on Bravo as you’re probably thinking, I am of course talking about the wonderfully confusing and largely inconsequential Iowa Caucuses. While DemocraticContinue reading “Bachelor Week 5 Recap (Part 1)”