Clayton Echard Bachelor Hometowns Recap

Going into someone else’s home to meet their parents is a simultaneously exhausting and terrifying process. It’s a unique mélange of wanting to appear nice and wholesome, twinged with wanting to appear cool and fun, and sprinkled with a crippling fear of potentially clogging their downstairs toilet. Rumor has it the 14th century Lord whoContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Hometowns Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 7 Recap

So, I didn’t watch last week’s episode, and I didn’t read any recaps – everyone knows that Bachelor blogging is a zero-sum game and I can’t be out here supporting other pathetic part-time bloggers if I’m hoping to drive ad-sales revenue that amounts to a 1 1-millionth of what some 7-year old doing the griddyContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 7 Recap”

Clayton Echard Week 5 Bachelor Recap

Here we are again people, back with Clayton the limp shrimp pimp on another haphazard journey of imperceptive discovery; or should I say an “international tour to find love” in Houston, Texas… Serene got the first date rose and clearly doesn’t understand how the entire show operates. She said, “no one has ever shut downContinue reading “Clayton Echard Week 5 Bachelor Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 4 Recap

Whenever a Bachelor contestant says, “I have a really good feeling I’ll be down on one knee at the end of this,” it might as well be a dog whistle to Bachelor nation; a Ron Burgundy conch blast; a sighting of lit beacons across the mountains from Minas Tirith to prepare yourself for an impendingContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 4 Recap”

Clayton Echard Bachelor Episode 3 Recap

For those of you out there with elephantine memories who can remember what happened nearly THREE WEEKS ago when we were treated to our last instalment of The Bachelor (yes apologies for the late blog), the episode started as you might have expected. My previous-episode amnesia was at Jason Bourne levels on Monday night, butContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Episode 3 Recap”

Bachelor Finale Part 2

Discussing The Bachelor with a peripheral or non-fan (I know, they exist?) is the Excalibur of double edged swords. On the one hand, I find myself getting frustrated that these nescients aren’t versed in elementary Bachelor history and haven’t been bullying Reddit-derived fan conspiracies into their skulls all season. On the other, these people canContinue reading “Bachelor Finale Part 2”

Bachelor Finale – Part 1

The niceties and nuances of the market economy are phenomena that I understand to about a 3rd grade level; and that’s generous. Seeing as the only invisible hand that the vast majority of middle schooler’s know is the one that cleans their dishes while they watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody after dinner;Continue reading “Bachelor Finale – Part 1”

Women Tell All Recap

The Bachelor bears a number of startling similarities to the Coronavirus (bet you weren’t expecting that one!) They both got fairly slow starts this winter, but by the time they’re all said and done, expect 80% of the US population to be affected by their residual consequences; both the Coronavirus response and The Bachelor areContinue reading “Women Tell All Recap”

Women Tell All Preview

It’s been a very big week for people named Pete Weber. Our Peter, of Pilot, facial puncture, and poor judgement fame managed to screw up his future prospects with the girl of his dreams because he couldn’t keep it in his pants for two nights in Australia when Madison specifically asked him to. The otherContinue reading “Women Tell All Preview”

Week 8 Fantasy Suites Recap

When William Shakespeare wrote that “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,” he was probably not anticipating that this stage would include the Camarillo Air Strip in Southern California, and the most prominent players would be promiscuous Pete and his band of tenderfoot matrimonial minions. What would he sayContinue reading “Week 8 Fantasy Suites Recap”