Going into someone else’s home to meet their parents is a simultaneously exhausting and terrifying process. It’s a unique mélange of wanting to appear nice and wholesome, twinged with wanting to appear cool and fun, and sprinkled with a crippling fear of potentially clogging their downstairs toilet. Rumor has it the 14th century Lord whoContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Hometowns Recap”
Author Archives: ollieiselin
Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 7 Recap
So, I didn’t watch last week’s episode, and I didn’t read any recaps – everyone knows that Bachelor blogging is a zero-sum game and I can’t be out here supporting other pathetic part-time bloggers if I’m hoping to drive ad-sales revenue that amounts to a 1 1-millionth of what some 7-year old doing the griddyContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 7 Recap”
Clayton Echard Week 5 Bachelor Recap
Here we are again people, back with Clayton the limp shrimp pimp on another haphazard journey of imperceptive discovery; or should I say an “international tour to find love” in Houston, Texas… Serene got the first date rose and clearly doesn’t understand how the entire show operates. She said, “no one has ever shut downContinue reading “Clayton Echard Week 5 Bachelor Recap”
Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 4 Recap
Whenever a Bachelor contestant says, “I have a really good feeling I’ll be down on one knee at the end of this,” it might as well be a dog whistle to Bachelor nation; a Ron Burgundy conch blast; a sighting of lit beacons across the mountains from Minas Tirith to prepare yourself for an impendingContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 4 Recap”
Clayton Echard Bachelor Episode 3 Recap
For those of you out there with elephantine memories who can remember what happened nearly THREE WEEKS ago when we were treated to our last instalment of The Bachelor (yes apologies for the late blog), the episode started as you might have expected. My previous-episode amnesia was at Jason Bourne levels on Monday night, butContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Episode 3 Recap”
Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 2 Recap
Hillary Duff gets cheap party planning Susie snags the 1-on-1 date Never have Elizabeth and Shanae EVER gotten along David vs. Goliath has always been one of my favorite Bible stories. For the non-denominational amongst you, the story chronicles a young boy with a slingshot and a stone, who knocks out an absolute man-mountain overcomingContinue reading “Clayton Echard Bachelor Week 2 Recap”
The Bachelor Episode 1 Recap – Clayton Echard
Don’t get me wrong, I love the Bachelorette. There’s just something about the Bachelor that kicks all of my tea-consuming, drama-adoring, histrionic-hounding, and yes, blog-writing senses into Mach-10 overdrive. This partiality is quite staggering given the two soporific snooze-fests we were subjected to with Colton and Peter’s seasons, and then the hand-warming Houdini himself, MattContinue reading “The Bachelor Episode 1 Recap – Clayton Echard”
Michelle Young Bachelorette Week 1 Recap
It’s here. We’re back in business people with another season of the Bachelorette. I surely cannot be alone in thanking the fucking lord that we don’t have to watch this season’s empty vessels crit their way around some non-descript, middle-of-nowhere resort with an uppity marketing manager who finally used their Bachelor addiction for use andContinue reading “Michelle Young Bachelorette Week 1 Recap”
The Bachelorette – Michelle Young Season 18 Preview
Well, well, well… it’s that time of year again. The leaves are changing, the turtlenecks are starting to peer ever more expectantly out of the back of the closet, and the squalid stench of Bachelor in Paradise that has been wafting so ignominiously over our airwaves for the past several months has been shunted asideContinue reading “The Bachelorette – Michelle Young Season 18 Preview”
Bachelorette Hometowns Recap – Katie Thurston
It seems like this season has gone by like a flash in the pan. How are we at hometowns already, and by the time you’re reading this, you’ll probably be settling in for an afternoon of fan-theories in anticipation of the finale (apologies again for the interesting cadence of blogs this season – I willContinue reading “Bachelorette Hometowns Recap – Katie Thurston”
Ollie's Bachelor Recaps 